Lisa Literation

Eagle Nebula

lisalliteration — Tue, 08 Feb 2011 19:55:44 +0000

Help me, Otis

lisalliteration — Tue, 08 Feb 2011 02:05:46 +0000

the ships roll in

I am overwhelmed by them

Inertia

lisalliteration — Fri, 22 Oct 2010 16:55:34 +0000

Fortunately or unfortunately, I was laid off a couple of months ago from a job I thought was a sort of dream. Too good to be true, I suppose. Perhaps many of you have recently been through this sort of thing. At any rate, since then I’ve gone back to my old job–familiar faces, familiar tasks–which is comforting but does nothing to counteract the feeling that I have somehow failed. The silver lining of all this is that I now get to do freelance writing for the people who, I hope, didn’t really want to see me go. And writing is the thing I most love to do.

Freelancing also gives me flexibility and mobility, which is something I’ve never had before. Should my husband finally get the job in his field that he so deserves, I can allow myself to be whisked away with him without worrying that I am disappointing people or leaving them hanging. However, I don’t have enough freelance work as I would like, and I keep going back and forth between wanting to “develop my career” (whatever that means?), wanting to continue working toward someday being my own boss, and wanting to just settle into the situation as it is now and wait to see what comes of my husband’s recent job interview.

Life can seem so difficult and meaningless at times, but at least it is fall (my favorite season, and maybe everyone else in Minnesota’s favorite season) and everything around me is stunningly beautiful without even meaning to be. I think I have this idea that I always need to be pushing forward, moving forward, working toward the next thing, whatever that may be. After all, that is what school is all about. But what happens when you get to where you were trying to get to all along? Then you have to learn to be content with stasis. I’m not saying I’ve gotten anywhere. Certainly I haven’t gotten very far. But maybe it can be ok to relax for a while, while I have the opportunity?

Now that I have two days of working from home a week, and more time for myself, I can’t stand the thought of going back to the grindstone full-time. I find myself fantasizing about building a business with my husband, who also loves to make things. It would be harder than we could imagine it to be, but it least it would be something for ourselves.

Swift changes

lisalliteration — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 23:29:00 +0000

Right

and so

though it seems I have abandoned you

there could be a love there still

sheltered by distance

Once again, my life is being transformed by some good-natured force. I’ve had a run of luck lately with career development, maintained luck in love, and the birds living on top of our air conditioner tell me that spring is almost here.

I need to post more poetry soon! I have some shy little drafts taking refuge in my journal or on my hard drive; must bring them out of hiding.

Boundaries

lisalliteration — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 00:23:32 +0000

What are they?

Hoar Frost

lisalliteration — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 00:07:16 +0000

This is what the trees around here looked like this morning:

I so wished I had my camera with me. This doesn’t happen very often here. It was like the smaller branches went transparent, sky showing through them. Even the scrawniest, scraggliest bush was a vision this morning.

The God Delusion?

lisalliteration — Tue, 12 Jan 2010 23:59:40 +0000

My sister just began her study abroad in Wales, but before she left we did a book exchange. One of the books she lent me was called The God Delusion. I understand that my sister is an atheist, but I don’t understand atheism. And I don’t understand books like The God Delusion. Even if I am a bit of a commitment-phobe when it comes to religion, why would I want to convince myself that God is a delusion?

Why would I want to convince myself that we are alone here?

And how, when we can’t even come close to comprehending the logic of our own universe, when all we’ve got to go on is our own limited bank of scientific knowledge, can we pretend to be certain about anything?

The soul of winter

lisalliteration — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 01:33:02 +0000

In winter, at least in Minnesota, it’s too cold to do much besides sit on the couch and do whatever lends itself to being done on the couch. It’s the time of year when I do the deepest thinking, the hardest soul searching, the most hat wearing. It’s the time of year when I think, “What the hell did I even do in the past year? And why the hell do I live here?”

I guess I live here because my family is here, because autumn is beautiful, because every lake feels like a second home, and because I don’t have enough money to move. Even if I wanted to. And what did I do in 2009? Well, I got settled into my job, adjusted to married life in the comfort of my in-laws’ basement, wrote poems for the purpose of soliciting recommendations to graduate school, sent them in to a writing competition, supported my husband in his job search, moved out of the in-laws’ basement and into a nice apartment, helped most of my family members–including my husband–through getting laid off, got more involved in the community band, got my husband a job where I work (thus keeping our apartment), celebrated my first year of marriage to my soul mate on the majestic shore of Lake Superior, restarted this blog, renewed my interest in crafting, writing, and meditation/Buddhism, was offered an editing job that I couldn’t take, and watched my little sister grow up.

What will this year bring? I hope it brings more stability, more meaning, more happiness for me and those I love. I hope to write more, perhaps even to write–or start writing–a book. I hope to be more aggressive in shaping my life, and more certain of what I want the shape to be. I hope this year gets a little warmer, temperature-wise. I hope that it will bring my husband the job of his dreams. I hope to be able to travel with him to some interesting and far-away place. I hope 2010 will bring love, happiness, health, safety, and peace to all.

If you read all that, you probably know more about me than you care to. But what I want to say is that winter is a great time for all of us to hunker down, cozy up, and remind ourselves why we’re here and what we value. So do some deep thinking of your own and see what develops from it. And bundle up.

Whatever you are doing this winter, I hope that you and those you love will be happy, healthy, safe, and at peace.

Decision made. Moving on.

lisalliteration — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 03:30:44 +0000

So the deal is this: I got a job offer. It’s an amazing place with nice people, a job in my field (and exactly what I want to be doing in my field), and a great place to learn and be challenged. BUT. . . I couldn’t take it. For various reasons, I just didn’t feel comfortable doing it. I’m ultimately happy with my decision, but I can’t help but feel a little disappointed that it didn’t all work out as I’d hoped. At least they offered me the job though, right? That’s saying something.

Anyway, Christmas, shopping, baking, blah, the youge. Christmas is so much less exciting when you have to split it between three or four families. And when you don’t get to go to Hawaii with your grandma and your aunt. Mais c’est la vie.

Oh, and as our Christmas present to ourselves, my husband and I bought an enormous (54″) plasma TV. It was his idea, and more money than I wanted to spend at first, but I have to admit that it didn’t take me long to warm up to the idea. And when we get Blu-ray, watch. out.

Confusion

lisalliteration — Sun, 20 Dec 2009 19:57:45 +0000

I am so incredibly confused. I have a huge decision to make, and I have to make it by tomorrow. I have no idea what would be the right thing to do. There are so many factors. I’m terrified, I’m anxious, and no one will help me make the decision. I wish someone would just tell me, once and for all, what to do.